Nobody Puts OJ In A Corner. And By Corner, I Mean A Random Newscorp-Owned Cable Station.

The OJ Simpson special was (tragically) cancelled, after FOX was unable to find advertisers willing to run spots during the show.

This makes me sad, because I feel like it could’ve be a real opportunity for a random product to brand the hell out of something. Think about it. If you were a life insurance firm, a door-to-door cutlery sales company, or maybe even a new cartoon-offshoot novelty candy, you would get some serious word-of-mouth coverage afterwards, just by running about twelve ads in and around this disaster of an interview. For added impact, you could go overboard and sponsor the closed captions, pay for in-show scrolling banners, and negotiate other original ways to make sure your brand name was constantly visible on FOX for about one and a half hours.

If I had my own company (preferably one with an unlimited media budget and high tolerance for erratic behavior), I would’ve swiped all the ads FOX was offering ina  last-minute fire sale, and turned that full sponsorship into something so overblown and ridiculous that people would be unable to resist talking about how insane it was.  You just wait–one day, there will be a company that does something as idiotic as this suggestion, and it will work for them.  And then we will all look back at this prophetic entry and hail me as the visionary that I know I am.

I Didn’t Write This Post, But If I Did, This Is What It Would Say

I definitely just saw an ad on FOX (I’m watching House, so don’t judge my viewing habits) for an upcoming special featuring OJ Simpson. The voice-over promises tearful moments, groundbreaking revelations, and endless extreme close-ups of said tears trickling down OJ’s cheeks. The real cherry on top of this cupcake, though, is the title of the interview: “If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.” If FOX does one thing well, it’s subtlety.

Not Just Any E Train, But The Meta E Train

I was riding the subway back to Queens this evening, looking around the car unabashadly as I usually do (I know, I know, I’m a bad New Yorker), when I started noticing some very eerie things. For instance, there was the women carrying a pile of French books and documents from the Alliance Française, standing right underneath the Poetry in Motion ad featuring a Paul Verlaine poem printed in French. I turned next to me, and a woman was reading the Post, studying a full-page ad for the new Blackberry Pearl. On my other side, a young girl was playing Tetris on the exact same color Blackberry Pearl.  I think it was at that point when I closed my eyes, since I started worrying I’d notice that I was actually travelling in a train within another train.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!

I got praised in taekwondo today! I think this is a first for me, and it feels especially good since Instructor Nam’s praise is rare. Let’s not diminish this milestone, though, by pointing out that what I did well was my basic hand movements, one of the very first things we learned, and something we practice virtually every class.

The Spice Of Life

My exploration of the food in Forest Hills continued this weekend, when I tried a burrito from the Mexican place near my tax class. Sadly, it was unexceptional, especially after the delicious Chipotle I enjoyed on Friday.

For me, a good burrito experience consists of:
1. Plenty of guacamole;
2. A healthy pile of pinto beans (mushy black beans look too much like corn smut);
3. Just a wee bit of salt;
4. Getting to watch as the whole thing is expertly assembled, rolled, and wrapped.

The Power Of Love. And 3-For-1 DVD Sets.

I cracked open my complete Back To The Future DVD collection today, and watched the second movie, just for the hell of it. Not only did I watch the entire film (it is a rare feat for me to sit through an entire movie), but I was pretty entertained.

Also, I spent some time with my canvases, since I hope to get at least a few works done before the holidays (such a good friend I am, doling out artworks as faux-thoughtful gifts…). Painting might be the only activity that makes me completely calm. Ironically, I find it thoroughly satisfying and immersive, even when I’m fussing with very intricate details.

Here’s A List For VH1’s “Best Week Ever.” Or Not.

Delightful Things I’ve Experienced In The Past Week

1. A woman on the E train wearing a glorious ankle-length orange wool coat, with real fur trim on the cuffs and hood.
2. My first comedy show at Caroline’s, featuring both truly hilarious and truly awful comedians.  And co-starring a boozed-up mug of minty hot chocolate.
3. A lady with an unbelieveable and completely grey afro (*jealous*).
4. Compliments after ironing my hair poker-straight.
5. On an unplanned walk during lunchtime on Sunday, the best slice of pizza I’ve ever had in NYC.  Queen’s Pizza in Forest Hills.  Friendly people will heat you up a perfectly crispy crust layered with just the right amounts of sauce and cheese and mushrooms.
6. The smell of falling leaves and cinnamon on the air in Jackson Heights.