The Most Important Meal Of The Day? The Free One.

Women’s Health came in this morning with a delicious breakfast spread, complete with a massive fruit plate, a giant bowl of fresh berries, and the biggest vat of yogurt I’ve ever seen.  And a boat of granola. (Thanks, guys!) I was so inspired by my healthy, crunchy breakfast that I just purchased a bulk quantity (let’s not go into details, to preserve my dignity) of Bear Naked vanilla almond granola from Amazon.com. Breakfast for the next two months is gonna be great.

Dear Stomach, Calm Down And Stop Making Angry Noises

I have a stomachache. I am eating some whole wheat couscous in the hope that somehow it’ll make me feel better.

I wish I had some more of that lulo juice, though.

Lists Are Easier To Write Than Structured Paragraphs

Things I Enjoyed In The Past 24 Hours

1. The first pineapple I ever cut up by myself (and it was perfectly ripe)!
2. Lulo juice: it kinda tastes like the way Lush smells, but it’s sweet enough that you overlook the strangeness of mint, pine, herb, and citrus combined.
3. Even more empanadas de pollo, with even more green sauce. I’m getting to be quite the junkie.
4. Using my new American Express in:NYC card, and feeling like a badass/business professional.
5. Cutting my finger open last night so deeply that it’s still bleeding. Oh, wait. That was not enjoyable.

Thank God Almighty, We’re Going 28 Miles Per Hour

This morning, I rode to work in the same subway car as a woman who bellowed, “THANK YOU, JESUS” the entire time the train was moving.  While stopped at stations, she would briefly lapse into quiet prayer, but as soon as the doors shut and the train kicked into motion… ”THANK YOU, JESUS!” All. The. Way. Until. Manhattan.

Black Tuesday

As you may or may not have heard, a terrifying, debilitating, and wide-scale tragedy occured Tuesday night.  BlackBerry devices all across the US experienced a ten-hour service loss. 

Despite my passionate love for technology and desire to be connected all the time, I don’t understand the national CrackBerry obsession.   Almost shockingly, I don’t own a BlackBerry or a Palm or a Q or any of those mobile e-mail/life organizer toys.  I’ve definitely thought about getting one, but in the end, I’d just be spending $100 a month so that I could check my Gmail while crossing the street, and discover (in the midst of traffic) that I still have zero new messages in my Inbox. 

Now I Really Want My Own Akita Even More

Today on the E train back to Queens, there was a couple with a puppy in a carrier crate. It was cute and small and brown and exceptionally well-behaved. Maybe it was sedated.

I can’t wait until I have the time and space to get a dog. Although given the breeds I prefer, I’m going to need a lot of space.

We’re The Best Around… Or We WILL Be, Once We Get Some More Days Off

Dear Albany,

It has come to my attention that New York State is NOT leading the nation in a critically important category: holidays. This is extremely disappointing, given that we set the gold standard for record highs in most other categories: we proudly boast the loftiest state taxes, the highest cigarette prices, and the ugliest official government webpage. And we don’t stop there: every year, our Assembly works hard to make sure that, despite having the 16th-largest economy in the world, we do not pass a budget. We have fought hard for this reputation, but as reflected in our state motto, Excelsior, we must not cease striving for the heights.

Tomorrow is Patriots’ Day in Massachusetts. Apparently Maine and some select entities in Wisconsin (Wisconsin?) also celebrate this made-up holiday. It’s time for New York to step up and take leadership in this crucial sector, and immediately create at least one random drinking holiday, in order to remain competitive with other states.

While I have your attention, here is a shortlist of proposed reasons for New Yorkers to take a day off work in mid-April.

1. Central American Remembrance Day
2. Video Rental Day
3. Make Up Your Own Reason Day
4. Visit The Zoo And Get A Corndog For Free Day
5. Rock And Roll All Night And Party Every Day

Thank you, Gov. Spitzer. I am sure that I will be hearing from you soon, and I look forward to seeing you at the Alternate-Side Parking Day Parade.

Sincerely,

Sara

There Are Fully-Branded Fruit Snacks To Match This Series. Do You Need More Incentive To Watch?

The Jackson Heights Blockbuster really sucks. Every single copy of The Curse of the Golden Flower has been out all week, they only have Armitage: Dual Matrix, which is reportedly the worst movie in that trilogy, and the second of the series besides, and the films being advertised on continuous loop on the in-store TVs aren’t even stocked at that location.

After cruising all the aisles twice in hopes that some movie would appeal to me, I finally spotted Avatar: The Last Airbender on DVD. Kevin had been telling me about it for weeks and weeks, so I figured it was probably going to be entertaining. Oh man. Yes. I got hooked so fast that after I mowed through the first four episodes, I walked back to Blockbuster to get the next DVD. And then after polishing that off, I was really hooked, BUT THERE ARE NO MORE AVATAR DVDs TO BE HAD AT MY BLOCKBUSTER. Bastards. You can’t just tease me with the first half of the season and then leave me hanging when there are characters to meet and plotlines to be explored. And then there’s a whole second season! Gah!

Keep Watching, We Need Your GRPs

“TV attracts huge audiences with Orange County teens and Dr. McDreamies and, once our eyeballs are locked in, advertisers sell us things we’re not even sure we need. Like Budweiser Select, Dove Regenerating Hand Cream Night Care With Shea Butter and ever-less-desirable GM cars. Some $70 billion in TV advertising drives a $7 trillion consumer economy.” (From the NYT’s Wall Street Wired blog)

And I feed that monster for a living.

Eight Things I Learned Today While Exploring The TSA Website

1. “You can’t take alcoholic beverages with more than 70% alcohol content (140 proof), including 95% grain alcohol and 150 proof rum, in your checked luggage.”  Oops.

2. “Knitting needles are permitted in your carry-on baggage or checked baggage.  However, there is a possibility that the needles can be perceived as a possible weapon by one of our Security Officers.  Our Security Officers have the authority to determine if an item could be used as a weapon and may not allow said item to pass through security.”  Do you think they’re more likely to confiscate my needles if they’re attached to a partially knitted ninja mask?