Least Literate English Major In The History Of English Majors

Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels (Board’s List)… A Decade Later

Let’s just say that I fare much better with the Reader’s List, as opposed to the stodgy Editors’ Board picks.  Honestly, how much Theodore Dreiser do I really need to read?  Then again, what kind of “Readers” select Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard as the paragons of English literature?

Want to play along?
1. Copy the list on your blog.
2. Read through the list and mark the books you’ve read in bold.
3. Italicize any you started, but didn’t finish.
4. Underline the ones you loved.

Using Amazon Prime Is Even Faster Than Buying Things From A Real Store

I placed an order with Amazon.com yesterday, and took advantage of the free Amazon Prime express shipping trial.  I figured that since this was such a large order, and I was very excited about many of the new purchases, it might be fun to get them early.  Early is an understatement: I placed my order late yesterday afternoon, and I already had more than half of the items before noon today.  A girl could get used to this kind of service.

I Have Glimpsed My True Inner Soul, And It Looked Back At Me Like An Angry T-Rex

I just learned that one of my close friends gets the exact opposite result that I do after taking the Myers-Briggs analysis.  There is a different and specific relationship between each personality type, and I couldn’t remember how they described the phenomenon of opposites, so naturally I turned to the internet for the forgotten answer.  En route to confirming that Jamie is my Anima (not enema), I got distracted and found a list of Adjectives That Describe INTJs… and we all know how much I love lists.  This one is pretty bang-on, and I found myself nodding in agreement after pretty much every comma (except “does not think they are weird but others do,” since I know full well that I am a Special Person, and “familiar with darkside,” because I am not a Sith lord.  Yet.)

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, not very altruistic, not very complimentary, would rather be friendless than jobless, observer, values solitude, perfectionist, detached, private, not much fun, hidden, skeptical, does not tend to like most people, socially uncomfortable, not physically affectionate, unhappy, does not talk about feelings, hard to impress, analytical, likes esoteric things, tends to be pessimistic, not spontaneous, prone to discontentment, guarded, does not think they are weird but others do, responsible, can be insensitive or ambivalent to the misfortunes of others, orderly, clean, organized, familiar with darkside, tends not to value organized religion, suspicious of others, can be lonely, rarely shows anger, punctual, finisher, prepared

And now, after that mess of lowercase and commas, a sentence with Capital Letters and a full stop.

New Year’s Resolutions? Oh, Yeah, Those…

It’s been nearly six months since New Year’s… and in typical INTJ fashion, I have not forgotten about those pesky Resolutions.

1. Lose inches. 
   Since committing to a strict diet about a month ago, I have already lost about 10 pounds, and continue to shed weight by the week.  I can finally fit back into the clothes I wore when I first interviewed in the big city; in fact, they’re actually a bit large now.  Logging everything I eat in a public online profile has made me accountable for my nutrition decisions; knowing that anyone and everyone will know that I had six Oreos for dinner makes me think twice about eating garbage.

   I’m most proud of how I’ve stepped up my fitness routine, however.  Realizing that I averaged just two taekwondo classes per week during my first year and a half with my school, I made a vow in February to start attending every class I could, only skipping when I absolutely had to work late and couldn’t make it back home in time.  As part of that, I even go to class on Saturdays now.  The extra practice is paying off: at the last promotion test, Master Song commented that I had improved since the last time he saw me!  Last but not least, joining the New York Road Runners made my goal of running the NYC Marathon a lot more tangible and real, and incorporating running into my life has probably been my favorite accomplishment so far this year.

What Happens After You Optimize? Re-Optimization, Of Course.

INTJ Strengths

• Not threatened by conflict or criticism
• Usually self-confident
• Take their relationships and commitments seriously
• Generally extremely intelligent and capable
• Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
• Interested in “optimizing” their relationships
• Good listeners

INTJ Weaknesses

• Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
• May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
• Tendency to believe that they’re always right
• Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
• Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
• Tend to hold back part of themselves

Wow, does that describe me or what?  Only two slight modifications:

1. Move purported “Weaknesses” to “Strengths” section.  Since when is the quest for perfection a weakness? If you disagree, come a little closer and taste my perfect sidekick.
2. Believe it or not, I have been known to accept blame.  I mean, I’m rarely wrong, but if I am, I’ll admit it, since you have to fix mistakes in order to achieve perfection.

Everyone Else Is Doing It So Maybe I Should Too

2008 Resolutions

1. Lose inches.  (I don’t think you’re allowed to make a list of resolutions without some varient of “lose weight”.)  Mostly I blame taekwondo for the whole not-fitting-into-my-clothes thing, but I also wag my finger at full-time employment, and the omnipresent copies of Gourmet and Bon Appetit magazines piled on my desk; their consistantly delicious-looking cover photography inspires undeniable saturated fat cravings.  It’s not so much that I need to lose weight–indeed, my goal is just to convert all body fat into lean muscle, which actually weighs more–but I need to trim down the ridiculous bulk I’ve developed.  I can no longer find boots that zip beyond my calves or suit jackets that don’t render my arms immobile sausages.  I can’t even fit into the clothes I wore to my job interview two years ago.
2. Devise a better strategy for keeping in touch with everyone.  I would love to be able to chat with friends and family members more regularly.  I think about all of you often, but I am going to work on taking action (writing an e-mail or sending a text message or calling) instead of just letting the thought pass.  I’m toying with the idea of a weekly mass e-mail or setting aside one night a week for phone calls.
3. Incorporate more vegetables and healthy protein (read: not steak tartar or cheeseburgers) into my diet.  This goes hand-in-hand with the “lose inches” resolution, but I want to call it out separately so that I’ll be sure to finally seek out that elusive recipe that uses lentils but actually tastes good.
4. Save enough to cover moving expenses.  Even if I don’t decide to move this year, I want to be ready with the security deposit/realtor’s fee/moving costs when the perfect two bedroom becomes available.  I’ve got my heart set on having a kitchen (with a dishwasher!) that opens into a living room, a real bedroom, and a cute study that can double as a spare bedroom.
5. Take my black belt exam proudly and competently.  By September, I’d like to be able to throw all my basic kicks with accuracy, power, and speed, refine my breaking techniques so that I can confidently nail the boards on my first or second attempt, and be a tougher (but controlled) sparring opponent. 

I Have Partaken In Enough Fruit Plates To Protect My Children’s Children From Cancer

Despite being born into a family with no history of cancer, I have an irrational fear that I am going to be diagnosed with nine different forms of the disease in my early 30s.  I have a vague feeling, founded on a very shaky understanding of Chemistry, that free radicals may contribute to development of cancers.  And I also “know” (in that same spotty, kinda-sure way) that antioxidants are the way to fight these dangerous beasts (insert valance shell diagrams that shows how free radicals are relentlessly determined to attach themselves to benign neighboring substances). 

It therefore delights me to learn that even though I may eat a generally unbalanced diet, it is absolutely loaded with “miracle foods,” “cellular superstars,” and “antioxidant cancer busters.”  A convenient list in a recent issue of Women’s Health lauded the following foods for having tremendous free-radical-fighting abilities.  It basically covers my five major food groups (exotic fruits, berryfruits, nuts, baking spices, and Powerbar):

• Blackberries (5.746 millimoles*/serving)
• Walnuts (3.721 Mmol)
• Strawberries (3.584 Mmol)
• Coffee (2.959 Mmol)
• Raspberries (2.870 Mmol)
• Pecans (2.741 Mmol)
• Blueberries (2.680 Mmol)
• Cloves (2.637 Mmol)
• Baking chocolate (2.516 Mmol)
• Sour cherries (2.205 Mmol)
• Chocolate Powerbar (1.875 Mmol)
• Pineapple juice (1.859 Mmol)
• Guava nectar (1.858 Mmol)

Bran, mangos, broccoli, molasses, tamarind, pinto beans, and spinach also made the list.  Seriously, everything in the top 50 is a substance I would consider a “favorite food.”  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go get an Acai Super Antioxidant beverage from Jamba Juice, loaded with delicious strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries, which I will enjoy alongside a Green & Black’s 60% cacao sour cherry bar.  Diabetic shock never felt so good.

*Yes, millimoles.  My rather spotty chemistry knowledge suggests that this measurement has something to do with Avogadro’s number.  I say, let’s multiply it out and then call that the percentage of cancer-proofing you’ll get per serving.

Lists Are Easier To Write Than Structured Paragraphs

Things I Enjoyed In The Past 24 Hours

1. The first pineapple I ever cut up by myself (and it was perfectly ripe)!
2. Lulo juice: it kinda tastes like the way Lush smells, but it’s sweet enough that you overlook the strangeness of mint, pine, herb, and citrus combined.
3. Even more empanadas de pollo, with even more green sauce. I’m getting to be quite the junkie.
4. Using my new American Express in:NYC card, and feeling like a badass/business professional.
5. Cutting my finger open last night so deeply that it’s still bleeding. Oh, wait. That was not enjoyable.

We’re The Best Around… Or We WILL Be, Once We Get Some More Days Off

Dear Albany,

It has come to my attention that New York State is NOT leading the nation in a critically important category: holidays. This is extremely disappointing, given that we set the gold standard for record highs in most other categories: we proudly boast the loftiest state taxes, the highest cigarette prices, and the ugliest official government webpage. And we don’t stop there: every year, our Assembly works hard to make sure that, despite having the 16th-largest economy in the world, we do not pass a budget. We have fought hard for this reputation, but as reflected in our state motto, Excelsior, we must not cease striving for the heights.

Tomorrow is Patriots’ Day in Massachusetts. Apparently Maine and some select entities in Wisconsin (Wisconsin?) also celebrate this made-up holiday. It’s time for New York to step up and take leadership in this crucial sector, and immediately create at least one random drinking holiday, in order to remain competitive with other states.

While I have your attention, here is a shortlist of proposed reasons for New Yorkers to take a day off work in mid-April.

1. Central American Remembrance Day
2. Video Rental Day
3. Make Up Your Own Reason Day
4. Visit The Zoo And Get A Corndog For Free Day
5. Rock And Roll All Night And Party Every Day

Thank you, Gov. Spitzer. I am sure that I will be hearing from you soon, and I look forward to seeing you at the Alternate-Side Parking Day Parade.

Sincerely,

Sara

Eight Things I Learned Today While Exploring The TSA Website

1. “You can’t take alcoholic beverages with more than 70% alcohol content (140 proof), including 95% grain alcohol and 150 proof rum, in your checked luggage.”  Oops.

2. “Knitting needles are permitted in your carry-on baggage or checked baggage.  However, there is a possibility that the needles can be perceived as a possible weapon by one of our Security Officers.  Our Security Officers have the authority to determine if an item could be used as a weapon and may not allow said item to pass through security.”  Do you think they’re more likely to confiscate my needles if they’re attached to a partially knitted ninja mask?