Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels (Board’s List)… A Decade Later

Let’s just say that I fare much better with the Reader’s List, as opposed to the stodgy Editors’ Board picks.  Honestly, how much Theodore Dreiser do I really need to read?  Then again, what kind of “Readers” select Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard as the paragons of English literature?

Want to play along?
1. Copy the list on your blog.
2. Read through the list and mark the books you’ve read in bold.
3. Italicize any you started, but didn’t finish.
4. Underline the ones you loved.

1. ULYSSES by James Joyce
2. THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
4. LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov
5. BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley
6. THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
7. CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
8. DARKNESS AT NOON by Arthur Koestler
9. SONS AND LOVERS by D.H. Lawrence
10. THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
11. UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowry
12. THE WAY OF ALL FLESH by Samuel Butler
13. 1984 by George Orwell
14. I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
15. TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf
16. AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Theodore Dreiser
17. THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
18. SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
19. INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
20. NATIVE SON by Richard Wright
21. HENDERSON THE RAIN KING by Saul Bellow
22. APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by John O’Hara
23. U.S.A. (trilogy) by John Dos Passos
24. WINESBURG, OHIO by Sherwood Anderson
25. A PASSAGE TO INDIA by E.M. Forster
26. THE WINGS OF THE DOVE by Henry James
27. THE AMBASSADORS by Henry James
28. TENDER IS THE NIGHT by F. Scott Fitzgerald
29. THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY by James T. Farrell
30. THE GOOD SOLDIER by Ford Madox Ford
31. ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
32. THE GOLDEN BOWL by Henry James
33. SISTER CARRIE by Theodore Dreiser
34. A HANDFUL OF DUST by Evelyn Waugh
35. AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
36. ALL THE KING’S MEN by Robert Penn Warren (currently reading)
37. THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY by Thornton Wilder
38. HOWARDS END by E.M. Forster
39. GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
40. THE HEART OF THE MATTER by Graham Greene
41. LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
42. DELIVERANCE by James Dickey
43. A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (series) by Anthony Powell
44. POINT COUNTER POINT by Aldous Huxley
45. THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
46. THE SECRET AGENT by Joseph Conrad
47. NOSTROMO by Joseph Conrad
48. THE RAINBOW by D.H. Lawrence
49. WOMEN IN LOVE by D.H. Lawrence (What about Lady Chatterley’s Lover?  Anyone?  Bueller?)
50. TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
51. THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer
52. PORTNOY’S COMPLAINT by Philip Roth
53. PALE FIRE by Vladimir Nabokov
54. LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
55. ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
56. THE MALTESE FALCON by Dashiell Hammett
57. PARADE’S END by Ford Madox Ford (Dude, who IS this guy?)
58. THE AGE OF INNOCENCE by Edith Wharton
59. ZULEIKA DOBSON by Max Beerbohm
60. THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
61. DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP by Willa Cather
62. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY by James Jones
63. THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES by John Cheever
64. THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
65. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
66. OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
67. HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
68. MAIN STREET by Sinclair Lewis
69. THE HOUSE OF MIRTH by Edith Wharton
70. THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET by Lawrence Durell
71. A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA by Richard Hughes
72. A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS by V.S. Naipaul
73. THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathanael West
74. A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
75. SCOOP by Evelyn Waugh
76. THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE by Muriel Spark
77. FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce
78. KIM by Rudyard Kipling
79. A ROOM WITH A VIEW by E.M. Forster
80. BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
81. THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH by Saul Bellow
82. ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner
83. A BEND IN THE RIVER by V.S. Naipaul
84. THE DEATH OF THE HEART by Elizabeth Bowen
85. LORD JIM by Joseph Conrad
86. RAGTIME by E.L. Doctorow (I read Billy Bathgate instead)
87. THE OLD WIVES’ TALE by Arnold Bennett
88. THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
89. LOVING by Henry Green
90. MIDNIGHT’S CHILDREN by Salman Rushdie
91. TOBACCO ROAD by Erskine Caldwell
92. IRONWEED by William Kennedy
93. THE MAGUS by John Fowles
94. WIDE SARGASSO SEA by Jean Rhys
95. UNDER THE NET by Iris Murdoch
96. SOPHIE’S CHOICE by William Styron
97. THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
98. THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE by James M. Cain
99. THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy
100. THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS by Booth Tarkington

I would say that 25% of all my sparring matches or drills involve a full-force knee collision. This is a pretty atrocious record, particularly since I’m supposed to be of the level where I can anticipate when someone is THINKING about kicking, and throw a killer double roundhouse/jumping back kick combo before their central nervous system even sends out a “Leg, kick!” signal. Oops.

One of these days, I will master the art of timing my kicks. Until then, I’m going to practice walking without bending my right knee.

YAY!!!  I have a dinner reservation for The Fat Duck in Bray, England!!  I might have to abstain from the daily click marathon of the Momofuku Ko website today, because if I also landed a reservation there, I might explode with culinary joy.

OMG!  I did it!  After a dozen back-to-back calls to the UK reservation line, I finally got through, AND got exactly the meal time I wanted (7:00 p.m. on the 11th of November).  SO EXCITED!  Now we can spend the next sixty days drooling over the sample menus online.  I cannot wait!

I placed an order with Amazon.com yesterday, and took advantage of the free Amazon Prime express shipping trial.  I figured that since this was such a large order, and I was very excited about many of the new purchases, it might be fun to get them early.  Early is an understatement: I placed my order late yesterday afternoon, and I already had more than half of the items before noon today.  A girl could get used to this kind of service.

The new presents include:

• The Sagas of Iceland, a behemoth 700-page sampling of Viking-era epics set specifically in Iceland.  I figured it would be good to have some Icelandic literature and history under my belt before our trip, and since Seamus Heaney, Jane Smiley, and Milan Kundera all approved of this volume, into the cart it went.  I really liked the Iliad and Beowulf and the Canterbury Tales and learning Latin, so I hope I will also like this particular strain of Old European Storytelling.  I better read this before November, though, since there is no way this brick is coming with me on the plane.
• Tomorrow Never Dies and You Only Live Twice on DVD.  Because they are rarely hailed as the best of the franchise (out-worsted only by the Bond films made in the 80s), these two movies can usually be found on sale.  Which is perfect, since I am one of the eight people who actually enjoys them.  Eventually, I want to own the entire 007 collection, but since I manage to catch The World Is Not Enough and Goldfinger every time they air during Bond marathons on cable, I figured it was best to start with a pairing I hadn’t seen in a while.
• Teach Yourself Icelandic: Complete Audio CD Program.  With this trusty book and pronunciation guide, I will now be able to understand what Sigur Rós and Björk are really singing.  So far, Icelandic looks even more miserable than German: in addition to being a declined language with grammar rules developed in ye olden days, it has a wide range of new letters and accent marks to master.  Well, at least I’ll always be able to understand the English-language Björk songs… 
• Some (surprise) gifts for a few friends.  I can’t wait to get them in the mail!  I think I love giving presents even more than receiving them.

Still On The Way:

• Canon PowerShot A590IS 8MP Digital Camera with 4x Optical Image Stabilized Zoom.  Maybe I’ll be more likely to capture photographic evidence of my daily adventures with a portable point-and-shoot digital camera.  I’ll just carry it around in my purse, and when the moment strikes, I will be prepared.  Unlike now, where I often think “Damn, it would be great to take a picture of that midget dressed as Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk in Grand Central… too bad my cumbersome camera kit is at home on a shelf.”  (Sucked in by the lush advertisements depicting happy people comfortably toting around their Nikon D-SLRs as if life was an impromptu photo shoot, I forgot one of the key lessons of high school Yearbook: you never go out with just a camera strapped around your neck–you’ll need the padded carrying case, the lenses, the spare film or memory cards, the flash, the flash batteries, the chargers…)
• Electrical outlet adapters for our upcoming Europe.  Now my appliances will not want for charging while we are abroad.

Things I Did Not Get Because They Were Unfortunately Out Of Stock/Otherwise Unavailable:

• Bulk containers of “Just Tomatoes”-brand freeze-dried fruit.  Seriously, the “Tropical Treats” mix (with little chunks of mango, kiwi, pineapple, and banana) is so good.  They use some magical process to dry the fruit pieces until they reach the consistancy of Lucky Charms marshmallows.  BEST.  IDEA.  EVER.  Now Amazon just needs to order more, since they’re one of only a few stores that sell this stuff by the pound.
• A pocket guidebook to Iceland.  More specifically, a travel-friendly guide to Iceland or Reykjavik that met all three of the following criteria: 1. A user rating greater than one star; 2. Price well under $45; 3. Published by at least a marginally respectable source.

I have Rihanna’s “Disturbia”–both the song and the video–stuck firmly in my head.  I don’t actually mind all that much, either.

‘Ere we go ‘ere we go ‘ere we go…

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing?
I like very good quality blue cheese (Roquefort) on my salad or on its own, but not necessarily as the dressing itself.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
I don’t even think I’ve ever even seen any heroin.

3. Do you own a gun?
No, but I am certainly not opposed to owning one. I would like to learn how to shoot, and if I was any good at it, I’d take up the biathlon.

4. Your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty?
I just developed a bad Starbucks habit in the past three weeks. I rotate between their iced coffee (grande, half-caff, taken black), soy chai latte, and occasionally a Frappucino (but spare me the lecture: I treat it like a dessert, not a drink).

5. Do you get nervous before doctors’ appointments?
Only dental appointments. Which makes perfect sense, given the number of teeth I’ve had extracted so far. I associate the dentist with pliars, x-rays, and that godawful gunk they use to take impressions of my mouth that always always always makes me puke.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Against all logic, I really really like them. With lots of yellow mustard on top and pickles on the side.  Yes, the queen of homecooked, 100% organic goodness eats street meat from time to time.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
CAROL OF THE BELLS. I own more versions of this song than anyone I know. I love it. It’s possibly one of the most moving (not to mention darkest) carols, and it’s just beautiful when a big choir sings it properly.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Always water to start, then a little coffee or tea.

9. Can you do push ups?
I’ve got to be able to do 100 perfect push-ups, on my knuckles, on boards or a bare floor, by the time I take my black belt exam. Right now I can do 75 before I start to buckle. If you let me cheat and put my hands flat on the floor, though, I can do 100.  AND WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT “GIRL PUSH-UPS” HERE.  I have NEVER done push-ups on my knees.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
I had this inexpensive “silver” collar necklace I bought in high school that I wore until the finish came off. I’d love to have a silversmith design me a new one someday.

11. Favorite hobby?
Probably eating. I wish I loved running more than eating, but I’m not there yet. I adore food: shopping for it, growing/preparing it (when I can), cooking it, savoring it… mmmm.  I take trips to new places jsut so I can eat new foods.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
Bahaha… Katie and I tried to take the official A.D.D. diagnostic test in college, but we got distracted less than halfway through.

13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
My total lack of self control when I see a new or delicious or beautiful or otherwise tempting food item.

14. Middle name?
Killer.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I need to pee.
2) I hope taekwondo is intense tonight.
3) I still need to pee.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, coffee, green tea. Terribly exciting, I know. I’d like to start incorporating a daily glass of red wine into my life, but it doesn’t quite fit into my diet right now.

17. Current worry right now?
I am always worried about everything all the time.  It does not always show.

18. Current hate right now?
I am always in the process of hating several things at once. At this particular moment, though, I am hating myself most of all. I’ve already overshot my daily calorie limit by having a slice of pizza and a piece of chocolate chip cookie. Now I’ll have to log an extra run tonight and forgo my post-workout protein shake.

19. Favorite place to be?
Somewhere urban. I like cities.

20. How did you ring in the New Year?
I played Mah Jongg and kissed Kevin. it’s becoming a tradition.

21. Like to travel?
Yes! I wish I could do it more often.

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Me, myself, I. I don’t pass these on because I don’t think my friends enjoy them nearly as much as I do.

23. Do you own slippers?
Kind of. I have a pair of wooden zori that are dedicated for post-shower wear.

24. What color shirt are you wearing?
Take a guess… black, of course.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Not really. I like good quality sheets, but a cotton or cotton blend is preferable.

26. Can you whistle?
I wish. I blame my giant teeth. Not sure if they’re really the problem, but they’re an awfully convenient excuse.

27. Favorite color?
Orrrrrange.

28. Would you be a pirate?
Ninjas like me eat pirates for breakfast.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever’s stuck in my head. This changes on a weekly basis. Lately, though, I’ve been getting up super early, and I haven’t really had the energy to sing.

30. Favorite girl’s name?
Pretty much anything besides “Sara.”

31. Favorite boy’s name?
Not telling, because then you might steal it.

32. What’s in your pocket right now?
Not a thing. When I do accidentally put stuff in my pockets, I forget about it until I go to do laundry and then discover, post wash cycle, small bits of tissue and shredded receipts stuck to all my black clothes.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Kevin?

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
Probably the fish ones. They had all kinds of brightly-colored fishes all over them. The mini school of clownfish on the pillowcase were a highlight. A rotating stock of patterned sheets was a good incentive for getting Emma and I to change our bedding every seven days.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
I’m sure to get a good one this year. You can’t start training for a marathon and not get hurt.

36. Do you love where you live?
Yes!

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Best thing I did last year was give my TV away. Don’t miss it in the least. The last time I watched TV was when I saw the Super Bowl with Carolyn this year in Woodside.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
JAMIE.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yessss, the requisite internet quiz question.

41. What is your favorite book?
Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita.

42. What is your favorite candy?
Mmm, candy. I love pretty much anything with sugar in it. When I have straight chocolate, it’s got to be high quality (and preferably organic), but occasionally I’ll take a dip in the lowbrow pool if marshmallow and coconut are involved.

43. Favorite Sports Team?
I like the Buffalo Sabres, the New England Patriots, and the New York Yankees. Why limit myself to just one city when I can cherry pick top-ranking teams from all over the Mid-Atlantic/New England region?

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
I was just heading out for a 3-mile run around my neighborhood.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
“How did I oversleep?!”

I just learned that one of my close friends gets the exact opposite result that I do after taking the Myers-Briggs analysis.  There is a different and specific relationship between each personality type, and I couldn’t remember how they described the phenomenon of opposites, so naturally I turned to the internet for the forgotten answer.  En route to confirming that Jamie is my Anima (not enema), I got distracted and found a list of Adjectives That Describe INTJs… and we all know how much I love lists.  This one is pretty bang-on, and I found myself nodding in agreement after pretty much every comma (except “does not think they are weird but others do,” since I know full well that I am a Special Person, and “familiar with darkside,” because I am not a Sith lord.  Yet.)

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, not very altruistic, not very complimentary, would rather be friendless than jobless, observer, values solitude, perfectionist, detached, private, not much fun, hidden, skeptical, does not tend to like most people, socially uncomfortable, not physically affectionate, unhappy, does not talk about feelings, hard to impress, analytical, likes esoteric things, tends to be pessimistic, not spontaneous, prone to discontentment, guarded, does not think they are weird but others do, responsible, can be insensitive or ambivalent to the misfortunes of others, orderly, clean, organized, familiar with darkside, tends not to value organized religion, suspicious of others, can be lonely, rarely shows anger, punctual, finisher, prepared

And now, after that mess of lowercase and commas, a sentence with Capital Letters and a full stop.

Rhubarb is one of my favorite foods. It’s tragically under-utilized, and even on the chichi epicurean websites I frequent, there are too few recipes devoted to this wonderful edible. I am always thrilled when I see rhubarb on a restaurant menu (my last visit to Marseille was selfishly timed to coincide with the reappearance of rhubarb and pistachio panna cotta on their dessert list), and even more excited when it shows up unannounced (as at Les Halles with Mom last week, when I was delighted to find chopped rhubarb in our appetizer, Vol-au-vent aux champignons sauvages et salsifis).

So it should come as no surprise that my latest muffin recipe is simply a vehicle for this brief-seasoned vegetable:

Buttermilk Rhubarb Muffins
Ingredients:
1.5 cups dark brown sugar
.25 cups vegetable oil
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk
1.5 cups fresh rhubarb, diced (although next time I think I’m going to add at least two cups: I love the tart, terrestrial flavor of rhubarb, and don’t want these to become brown sugar muffins)
.5 cups chopped pecans
2 cups all-purpose flour
.5 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
.5 teaspoon salt

Instructions:

Makes 24 small-size muffins.

Post-muffin-making, I went for my first official run with my new Nikes, Nike+ accelerometer chip, and iPod Nano. As ethically bankrupt as it may be to buy Nikes, they’re the one shoe brand that’s always fit me best, and it feels fantastic to be running in them again. I can run further, faster, and without pain, and that’s extremely important to me as I am beginning to accumulate miles and train in earnest. (Note to Nike: if you do commit to making all your products in a completely ethical, fair-trade, fully responsible way, I wouldn’t have a problem paying more for them.)

In any case, I ran an easy four miles (at 7.1 mph), with a female voice that ranges in tone from receptionist pleasant to strangely icy informing me of my progress every five minutes. I know it was a good run because I didn’t reach for my Aleve and glucosamine immediately after walking back into my apartment, and I also didn’t get exhausted enough to trigger my “Power Song” (a special feature that allows me to summon an emergency playback of Fergie’s “Labels or Love”).

It’s been nearly six months since New Year’s… and in typical INTJ fashion, I have not forgotten about those pesky Resolutions.

1. Lose inches. 
   Since committing to a strict diet about a month ago, I have already lost about 10 pounds, and continue to shed weight by the week.  I can finally fit back into the clothes I wore when I first interviewed in the big city; in fact, they’re actually a bit large now.  Logging everything I eat in a public online profile has made me accountable for my nutrition decisions; knowing that anyone and everyone will know that I had six Oreos for dinner makes me think twice about eating garbage.

   I’m most proud of how I’ve stepped up my fitness routine, however.  Realizing that I averaged just two taekwondo classes per week during my first year and a half with my school, I made a vow in February to start attending every class I could, only skipping when I absolutely had to work late and couldn’t make it back home in time.  As part of that, I even go to class on Saturdays now.  The extra practice is paying off: at the last promotion test, Master Song commented that I had improved since the last time he saw me!  Last but not least, joining the New York Road Runners made my goal of running the NYC Marathon a lot more tangible and real, and incorporating running into my life has probably been my favorite accomplishment so far this year.

2. Devise a better strategy for keeping in touch with everyone.  This is definitely still a goal-in-progress, but getting my brand-new BlackBerry today is going to be a big help!  Soon I’ll be able to e-mail and IM on the go, and I plan to take advantage of the connectivity.  I’m also going to try and visit each of my closest friends in their natural habitats before the end of the year.  As soon as I nail down a few key client meetings I need to have next month, I’ll be able to start looking at flights!
3. Incorporate more vegetables and healthy protein (read: not steak tartar or cheeseburgers) into my diet.  I have made a lot of progress on this front.  Haven’t had a burger since I visited Kevin in Madison (okay, that wasn’t all that long ago), and in the past two weeks alone, I’ve introduced whey protein shakes, tofu, and seitan into my regular meal rotation.  My breakfasts in particular have gotten a lot healthier: I now eat cottage cheese, a banana, and a homemade protein pancake instead of a white-bread bagel with cream cheese and a sugary coffee on the side.  I am learning more and more bean recipes, including a 10-bean beef and tomato soup I didn’t think I’d like, but is now a favorite dish that I prepare in bulk and freeze.  It’ll still be a while before I invite brussels sprouts into my kitchen, but I am moving in the right direction. 
4. Save enough to cover moving expenses.  I won’t lie: the government’s Economic Stimulus Payment helped a lot with this one.  If they can patch up my peeling bathroom, though, it may just be worth staying put.  The devil you know…
5. Take my black belt exam proudly and competently.  I attended my first tournament this year, rather unexpectedly and somewhat against my will, and performed a lot better than I thought I would.  After really enjoying myself during the sparring competiton, I am feeling much more confident about my ability to at least hold my own in that event.  I still need lots of work on my forms and higher-level kicks, but I should start seeing improvement soon, since I’m averaging about four classes a week.

Progress!

INTJ Strengths

• Not threatened by conflict or criticism
• Usually self-confident
• Take their relationships and commitments seriously
• Generally extremely intelligent and capable
• Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
• Interested in “optimizing” their relationships
• Good listeners

INTJ Weaknesses

• Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
• May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
• Tendency to believe that they’re always right
• Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
• Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
• Tend to hold back part of themselves

Wow, does that describe me or what?  Only two slight modifications:

1. Move purported “Weaknesses” to “Strengths” section.  Since when is the quest for perfection a weakness? If you disagree, come a little closer and taste my perfect sidekick.
2. Believe it or not, I have been known to accept blame.  I mean, I’m rarely wrong, but if I am, I’ll admit it, since you have to fix mistakes in order to achieve perfection.

More importantly, this explains why I prefer to give practical gifts and hard-hitting advice rather than proffer fluffy moral support.  I’m missing whatever part of the brain is responsible for emotional sap.  At the same time, I don’t really feel like I’m “missing” anything.  Less time spent on chick flicks and Talking About Feelings means more time to devote to useful and fun endeavors like ass-kicking and developing elaborate ad-to-sales ratio optimization scenarios.

Along those same lines, the latest issue of Cosmopolitan hit our inboxes at work today, and in flipping through it, I confirmed something I’ve known for a long time: I communicate like a man.  Seeing page after page of shampoo advertisements, passive-aggressive relationship advice, and true stories about sperm-donor children, also confirmed that I do not “get” (nor care to learn) the intricacies of girl talk.

The best part was reading the “Cosmo For Your Guy” section and not understanding why each of the “Little Things That Piss Her Off” were anger-provoking.  “One word answers”?  Efficient.  “Not Making Plans With Her In Advance”?  If she’s a Cosmo girl, she’ll always be desperate to go out with you, so planning is hardly necessary.

And this is why I can’t take the “Communication Skills for Women” course being offered through work.